I have an opportunity to take a different position within my company. I put the application in today so that I could talk to management on it; at this point, I'm just willing to talk to them about it.
On the one hand, I am very burnt out and unhappy in my current position. I feel lost and ineffective, and that has spilled over into other areas of my life, and I've been praying for quite some time for God to open doors to change the situation, because obviously in such conditions, I don't see that I'm doing very well serving God in such circumstances and I am struggling with depression. Plus, the opportunity would get me back home to the town I grew up in and would put me close enough to my parents to be able to help them out. My dad's not in good physical shape, and my mom could use some help, both at home and financially, and taking this job would put me in a position where I can help them.
On the other hand, though, going home has the possibility of opening its own problems. I'm still single but I'm 37 and I've been on my own for essentially 19 years, 6 years in college and the rest living in a completely different state. I'm used to be being quite independent. But sometimes, I feel that my mother seems to forget that I am an independent adult, and I'm afraid it might cause issues if I move back to the area. OF course, I would be living in my own home - I don't plan to move back in with my parents - but it's going to require a re-alignment, if you will, in our relationship.
also, I am currently the pianist for my very small church. We are a tiny congregation - we're lucky to have 30 people in the church service - and there isn't anyone to replace me should I leave, and if I take this position, I'm going to have to move too far away to be able to continue attending this church. I love playing the piano for the church - it's one way that I can serve the Lord - and I love this church, and hate to leave it without a pianist. My mom has told a lot of people down her way about the position, and has this expectation that I'm going to come home and play for my home church, as the lady who plays now is getting older and may not be able to play for much longer - she has Parkinson's. But that is a larger church with a strong music program and I don't think I'm a good enough pianist to play for it - I'm late intermediate at best in my skill level, and I don't play by ear. For my current church, that isn't a problem - we pretty much only sing the hymns, and I can play those, but I can't play the faster, southern gospel/country gospel that my home church likes.
So I need a lot of prayer for God's guidance on this issue. Is it His will that I go home? Is this opportunity coming from Him? How do I sort out my will and my mother's will, from God's will to find what He wants me to do? My mother is convinced it's God opening these doors, that the opportunity wouldn't have come about if God didn't want it to happen, and is convinced I'm coming home. But I'm not so sure - what seems at the time to be good opportunities can in fact turn out to to either tests from God or snares by Satan to pull us away from God's will, especially when it's something we want.
This is a big issue for me, because I've never really felt secure that I knew what God wanted me to do with my life, despite begging Him many times for guidance - looking back in my life, I still can't say for sure that I went to college where I was supposed to go, studied what I was supposed to study, or took the job God wanted me to have; I can see where God has used the circumstances, but was it His direct will or did He just make use of my bad decisions? I don't want to mess up, especially when its a situation where there is no going back. and I'm torn on the issue; I'm in a rut and am reluctant to get out of that rut and give up the comfort of familiarity, even if I'm unhappy there; but I also need a change - the current situation is hurting me emotionally and spiritually, and I am alone where I am, so having family close by would be a comfort to me.
Oh boy, a lot of what you said is so familiar to me. After a lot of prayer and consideration, I believe that God is big enough & can be loud enough to get it through to me if He wants me to do something other than what it is I am doing now. I mean, He even used a donkey. ;) Plus if you read about David, you know that he messed up at times (sometimes what I think of as "big" sin, even though sin is sin). But continuously God called David a man after His own heart. It sounds like you have a soft heart, & God will let you know which way to go.
I will be praying for you! I know these huge decisions are not easy. God will lead you in peace. And he can provide another pianist if you are called away. :)
Thanks for posting. As you have updates, please let me know :)
All things work together for good to them that love the Lord, -Rom 8:28
Of course, praying for people is a gift : ) God works in strange and mysterious ways, we may not always know right away what he's saying, but in the end you will find the answer that not only works out for you, but also for your current church, your Mom/Dad, and the Church in your home town, all according to his grand plan.
thank you all! The job posted at the end of last week, so I put my application in. The posting ended yesterday, so it will be a few weeks before I hear anything - HR will go through the applications, forward them to the manager, and then if they decide they do want me, they'll set up an interview. It will probably be late April before I hear anything.
My mother has convinced herself its' definitely God's will - she was up this week, and I think she was ready to start packing me up now! lol
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